.Untitiled.

Oh Hello. It’s about time I said something here. It’s starting to get a little dusty. 

I’m turning 16 in a couple of minutes, (Actually in a couple of hours cause I was born at 11:45 am but who’s counting?) and I expected to feel something. Different maybe. Or older (How do you feel older?) But honestly, I don’t feel anything. Is it because I choose not to? That I’m actually holding myself back from saying what I feel because I’m afraid of being judged by others or myself? Maybe.

I wish I felt something. Wiser? Matured? Taller? Nope. Actually, some to think of it, I’ve never really felt different on my birthdays. I’d just wake up, go through the days, receiving a little more attention than I’m used to, and go to sleep. Why should there be any difference this year? 

BECAUSE I’M TURNING 16 DAMN IT. IT’S SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING. 

Of course it means something. I means I’ve survived 16 years. Whooo go me. Maybe that’s why you celebrate your birthday. It’s the celebration on SURVIVAL.

Oh my goodness what am I talking about.

I’m sorry for wasting your time. The past 2 paragraphs mean absolutely nothing.

Okay let’s try this again.

I actually don’t like birthday parties so much. I don’t like having all that attention. (shocking. I know.) And really, I don’t see the point in having a birthday PARTY. Okay fine I take that back. there’s the cake, a close group of friends, presents…. Parties are fun. Then again, I wouldn’t mind not having a birthday party. I’m totally cool with it. ( I just remembered i wrote a short essay on the importance of birthday parties. The irony is killing me.) 

SO ANA WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT IN THE PAST 16 YEARS? 

Alot. Most of which I wish I could have written down. But’s that’s life isn’t it? It’s a constant discovery of who you are. And at every birthday when you think back about how you lived your life you smile because you realize, everything really does happen for a reason. You didn’t get that Xbox you wanted so you could focus more on your studies and enjoy the little things. Like how the pretty it looks when the sun traces the silhouette of a tree branch. You didn’t get a good grade for an exam (or should I say multiple exams) so you’d work harder and never have to relive that humiliation again. It’s true when they say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Everything I’ve learnt and gone through made me the person that I am today. Who am I? I don’t know yet. It’s still a work in progress. But I’m proud of who I’ve got so far. It’s one of the things I’ve learnt i the past year. I’ve learnt the importance of being proud of yourself. The you you have now is the only you you’ve got so why not love and be proud of it, right? 

I have so much I wish I could write down right now. But that’s the problem. you know when you have too much to think of and say that you don’t know where or how to start? That’s how I’m feeling right now. But I’m gonna push it all to the side and enjoy the last few minutes I have with my 15 year old self… watching lizzie mcguire episodes. Oh. It’s almost midnight. 

3…2…1…

ding.

:)

-Ana

I’ve been abandoned. It’s been awhile now. Although I’ve never really stated it. But obviously I haven’t had much care or concern so why don’t you move on over to theayelleffar.tumblr.com where it’s really happening. Awwww yeaaahhhh….

Happy birthday to the most creative, talented, spectacular, hilarious man on planet earth. 

You were always there when I needed someone to talk to. Always knew what to say, what to do and treated everyone you knew as your best friend. You’re always learning new things and changing to be a better person. You laugh at everything even when it’s not that funny, always listen even when it doesn’t make any sense, and always smiled because you can. This is why I wanna be like you when I grow up.

He’s much more than a brother. He’s a father when I need one, a teacher when I don’t know what to do, a listening ear, a therapist (hahaha) but most importantly, a friend.

I love you kuya, thousands of miles can’t tear us apart. Happy Birthday :)